Artist Statement
ambivalence
[am-biv-uh-luhns]
noun
1. Uncertainty or fluctuation, especially when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
2. Psychology - the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
- Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild possibilities
I do not want to tell you how to feel, I am perpetually ambivalent. Every feeling has a counter-feeling, a feeling omitted for brevity, a feeling appended for homogeneity. We must express ourselves deliberately, honesty only exists in our moments of hesitation. Every choice is a statement, every statement is an ending. If we choose not to choose, the ending keeps beginning.
(I have decided not to choose, my choice is ambivalence.)
There are the emotions we feel (my work lives in-between) and the emotions we express. I was once a fashion nine-to-fiver, I was once an art school grad student. Some saw me as a feminist killjoy, some saw me as beguiled by the patriarchy (always either/ never both). I reclaim the visual language of girlhood because I was conditioned to, because I love it anyway. I embrace aggressive emotions, I paint them in tender pastel hues. Fitting in is a compromise, I long for community. I express my most vulnerable emotions, by drawing the emotions of everyone else. I want you to know everything about me, as long as I can tell you anonymously.
If we meet where we agree, there is no room to change. If we meet where we disagree, someone has to change. Can we meet where we are unsure, a place to be neither/both, instead of either/or. Uncertainty is uncomfortable, unless you are in good company.
(Am I making myself clear by being intentionally ambiguous?)*
* This text is always changing. Last edit: December 6th, 2022